Last time I saw you, I
Layed on your chest,
I heard your heart beating ,
whilst you layed there in rest.

I know you were there body and soul but your mind could no longer hear me but you were still whole .

I cried my myself to sleep to the sound of your beating heart,each beat was a word telling me its time to part .

You asked me to go to be with the kids and however hard it was for me to leave ,
I took the bid.

I was broken to pieces from inside and out …

I just wanted to scream and shout …

But I had to stay calm as if nothing was wrong,

For I had your children and needed to stay strong .

My phone received a message saying “sorry for your loss”
The world new before me that you had actually gone..

I was the only one not there that day, in the moments you left your body as mama and baba and everyone prayed.

Though I hated myself until this day,
You bestowed upon me a duty that I could need leave astray.

In some ways I know you trusted in me to leave ,

To be with your most precious jewels that would bring you to your knees.

That gives me comfort to know that you trusted me so much,
because you knew I could or would be able to cope.

But I still have regrets every single day ,

That i was not there when your soul had gone away …

I never got to say goodbye to you before you went in,

Then it was too late as when I left after I saw you the next day,

after i had gone you also left after 30 minutes and it was too late.

It kills me inside everyday but I know that its what you wanted because you knew I would cave in if I was there too in the room.

You were the only brother I ever knew or had…the only one though gone i will always and forever have.

I was honoured to have had you in my life for 25 years but each and every night its hard to stop the tears.

Beautiful memories to always have in mind, thinking of how wonderful you were ,funny and kind.

But I had since a little girl so many dreams that me and you would make memories together in our older years,

Our kids would grow up and have one another,

We would grow up and have each other.

I knew when you left I was on my own,

Nobody else’s sister , but yours.

I have nobody who loves me or loved me as you did, a love of a brother to his sister you weren’t shy about nor hid.

Its very hard not having you around ,it strange though I am at home I feel so homebound…

You always knew you were the other part of me ,
Our connection so strong we both could feel …

I know you always felt your time here on earth was just part of the journey …

But I had no idea you would be leaving us so early …

I never will believe that you are gone but its my faith in God allows me to go on..

Though the wounds will never heal
I hope that my love for our siblinghood you can still and will always feel.

I will do my best whatever that can be, to be there for your angels not one but three…
at the end of the day they are a part of me as I was of you and will always be .

I could go on and never stop but I know you know I have not just some words but have a lot…

A lot to say to you and so much I wish I could do too…

But one day when it will be my time, I hope I can spend the rest of our lives …together as one you and me brother and sister

R & C.

I guess as the song says:

“Its been a long day, without you my friend….but I will tell you all about it when I see you again”

Till we meet again my brother …

I hope u are truly at peace in another place …somewhere where one day i will be able to once again see your beautiful face .

May you rest in peace .

I miss you more than any one even thinks they know or can imagine…

I love you Rami,

Love your baby camo and lil sis.

Surreal and so unreal ….still so numb not sure if it’s really you that lies beneath the tomb stone with your name….it just feels so wrong so strange and so out of this world…. I can’t do anything I know its out of my hands but no one can blame me for being in such a trance . ..its tough enough just to think that you have gone but to actually stand there over you where you lay makes me wonder it could be anyone of us anytime…any day. We went today me and the kids , we brought white balloons and whilst the wind blew strongly it blew them up towards you straight away…and just like that they were no longer in sight….a bit like you you when you left without a fight. We bought you white roses and placed them in the earn…we read you the fatiha and pray that you heard, we brought fresh clean water to cleanse your stone that protects you from earths dangers and back into Gods earth. .. The earth that he made us from and the earth he takes us back through before our souls leave to rise to the light where the heavens shine so bright . I know we should always think of you as that person alive so vibrant and colourful who was so full of life…just when I go and I think that your body now bones…is so unrealistic and can just not sink in.

Your children are happy whatever encounters they may face they have me mama and baba who will give it our all and keep up the fight to keep all our might.

I’m so still so dazed and yet I try to go on..but even with the happy memories I can never forget the day your coffin left the hospital and we drove behind you and then after the prayers when the men brought you out…. and baba was holding the coffin with you inside …I was dying Inside to see baba so broken and knowing that it’s you in that coffin…I just remember screaming and falling to the ground calling your name but no answer be found…then I woke up I’m my bed with our cousin Reem by my side, stroking my head but I didn’t want to believe that you were dead. I was hoping it was just a a horrible dream buy saw myself in black and the sad truth is not what it seemed but as real as could be.

I miss you my brother and truest friend …thank you for loving me and being my side , and our love for one another something we never needed to hide…

Rest in Peace brother and rest assure we are all trying our best and of course will try more …dont be upset if you see us cry we just can’t get over saying good bye….

Today we celebrated Rami’s life and in his honour, 33 meals and fresh clothes were distributed to 33 worthy young men who are homeless.

May Allah have mercy upon him and bless him with warms and love.

Habibi Rami….May God bless your pure soul habibi …..years passed as if it was today… Your passing away was and still so hard to believe and painful to accept but yet it is God’s will after all ….. Yet I know and believe that your soul is in the best place with the best and pure ones inchalla…May God the allmighty bless your pure soul…. Rami you are and will allways be in my heart, thoughts and preyers…It is true you are gone but you will never ever be forgotten ….My favorite nephew…. I love you Ammto God bless you and your pure soul …..Ameen

April will soon knock on our doors …. 4 years ago we were enjoying Rami’s company, his tenderness, his sense of humor his wit …. mostly his love & wisdom….. It was Easter then when he bid us good bye, Easter is coming soon and all the memories will flow again of the ordeal we had to go through…. Four years passed and not a day passed he is not with us…. family , friends , colleagues all think of him, and all wish he is still around…. This is God’s will, we have to accept and thank God for letting us have Rami in our lives, we thank God for taking to his side Rami saving him from any suffering and pain, we thank God for saving us from seeing him suffer , we thank God for giving us three lovely grand daughters to see him through their eyes, to hear him through their voices and laughter….. We can not but say al Hamdullilah 3ala Kul Shay2…. MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE.

Here we have started yet another year with your laughter , without your hugs & kisses….. a film passes in front of me, with pictures of all the years we have celebrated together from your child hood, till now with you as a young boy to you the father with his own kids , together we were , did not matter where we were , the importance thing was that we were together….. some times we were in cold places , other times we were in hot places , still for us the warmth and pleasure was to be together …….. Celebrations are not the same any more, but no matter what you are there ! as we say in Arabic الغائب الحاضر,You are gone yet you are still present .

Unfortunately you have not seen your niece, who just turned One end of Dec….. am sure you would have loved her, your girls love her and enjoy playing with her and having a baby around…..

Time flies and the girls are growing really fast ! I remember on time we were sitting you, me , Camellia and your wife, your girls were really little, and you were listening to the conversation going on about make up, fashion etc….. you looked at me and said , I can not imagine how it will be when I have four of them discussing these issues and am the only man around , I will go mad !!!! Well what can I say ………. yes they will drive us mad, at times I guess, and you will be laughing from high up saying I told so mum !!!!

I still can not take it in, that you are gone for ever…. I wish sometimes I will wake up & find you there waiting arriving from a long trip….

Thank you for visiting in our dreams, thank you for visiting in our thoughts , thank you for visiting with your favorite songs, Fragrance, style, food , thank you for sharing our life , every day…

Miss you and Love You for EVER.

MUM

When I go to visit you my dear brother , as I wash your grave and purify the rain water that has fallen and the leaves that have blown across the grave yard, I am in a state of surrealism …a part of me numb , not being able to grasp the fact that it is you that lays beneath the stone that you rest under . As the earth takes you within its soil, the earth is being enlightened with your soul in the grounds of Mother Earth and as your soul rises to the skies and to Gods open arms , your presence in heaven is welcomed with the warmth of our loved ones whom have passed …with the Angels you are , as you are one of the most treasured Angels of the Heavens . I know you are in peace and much more than you ever were or ever could be here on earth…this makes me feel more at peace but it cannot take away the hole in my heart and within my soul..nor replace the sadness of missing you so dearly and wanting my big brother ..my only brother …and to hear your voice and see your smile…but I am blessed to have your 3 Angels whom hold your spirit and your eyes and your smile and your being within them…I get to see u everyday ….but it is also a challenge within itself as it makes me miss you even more and more. I promise to keep dedicating my life to mother, be their best friends ,their Aunty and everything I can be …and be the sister to them as I was for you. I love you so so much Rami…one day..I will see you …till
We meet again brother …..
Your lil sis
Camo

يا رامي شو بدي قلك
بعيد ميلادك مشتقلك
انشا الله
بيوم الدين
بواب الجنة بتفتحلك
و بتفوت و راسك مرفوع
حتى الجنة بتلبقلك
كل عام و انت بخير يا غالي
محمد مخزومي

As the rain falls and washes your grave stone the thunder roars as it calls your name in the skies.

The brightness of the lightening that lights the sky with your aura , surrounds us all around.

As your grave is being washed, it’s as if the tears of the sky falls upon you as you sleep as if the tears that fall from our eyes .

As the sky rumbles and ground shakes , you my brother are fast asleep, serenity and in peace .

Your birthday each year is a celebration of your life but also your death .

You are in the sky, the clouds , the sun, the rain, the rivers, the mountains , the oceans and the sea.

Forever you are with us and forever in our hearts.

We miss your voice, your smile and your eyes.

I miss the only brother that I can call mine.

I hope on your birthday we can make your wishes come true …

My only wish also is to one day again to be with you.

I love you Rami. My brother , my mentor and my closest friend.

Happy Birthday ,

Forever your little sister Camo

31st October 1977, the day that changed my life, the day I held in my hands our baby and saw the miracle of life, miracle of love…. Rami was born…… it was the beginning of a special bonding that grew with time. I remember his birthdays celebrations as he was growing up, from simple ones to the extravagant ones as he grew older….. As a kid he enjoyed the spooky Halloween parties !!! later football parties, then disco parties….. ending it up with his 21st birthday party, when he surprised every body wearing a Scottish Kiln with all the out fit accessories !! he was amazing…… that was it for parties , from now on , it returned to simple Happy birthday greetings…. He told me ,( mum we don’t need to celebrate our birthdays, every day is a birthday, every day we are born again, every day we celebrate life)….. and that how the years passed, but we used to surprise him some times , and just tell him for the kids sake, let us blow the candles & cut the cake !!!!!

The last 3 years we would go to visit him and wish he was with us …. time is passing, sadly he is away….. today he would have been 37 years…….. 4th time with out him … year after year it will be with out him, but we will celebrate his birth , his life , and his memory …..

I know my wish will never come true here on Earth,,,, But I know his spirit is hovering around, I know his soul is never far and it will never die….. our souls meet though our bodies don’t, and one day we will rejoin ……………………

My love to you will never die………

I was looking through my photos the other day and stumbled on a photo from my sweet sixteen. Rami made my sweet sixteen the best birthday to date. He was so generous and had a heart of gold. I think about him a lot and wish he was here to watch his three beautiful young daughter grow up, but I know he is watching over all of us, smiling. I love you Rami and miss you very much. Rest in peace.

Though I never knew before nor will I ever know again after ….. I am so grateful for having been loved by my brother Rami though no longer here, he was the only one who made me know what it meant and felt like to be a sister …and because of that beautiful bond we shared and held so dear to my heart… I find it so difficult to go on without being a sister…. His sister ….

…As time goes by, times get harder and the more I realise I needed him then, but so much more how much I need him now and will tomorrow . It’s hard living knowing you were only loved by that one person ,after your parents love of course, and that one person left this world too early, without warning, without the chance to say goodbye or have one more day… Oh my dear brother the things I would say….

However long my journey may be, I hope it will one day again be you and me, all i can pray is that i will be with you one day again, you be my angel that opens his wings so I won’t be afraid… As you always did here on earth , my protector , my saviour, my brother , my friend…

Look down at me from heaven, walk beside me through my journey and guide me to the path of happiness so that again I will feel peace within the deepest part of my mind..my body and my soul…

Love you ever so much Rami and more and more each day , missing you dearly ..especially now that you are so far away….

Forever you little sister …

Camo ❤️